Relationships – My Past Creates My Present

Relationships are not as easy as they seem to be. Most of the time everything is perfect until it ends. And then we all start to ask ourselves some questions. Where did I go wrong? Did I just lose the person I want to share my life with? How can I live with the guilt/sorrow/emptiness inside?

Let's face it, people – thing always go the way they should. That usually means that you should stop feeling sorry for yourselves, get up from the bed and start living your lives again. Time moves forward and waits for no one, so you better move on until it's too late.

And still – can we artificially replace a relationship with another one as if moving your clothes to a different wardrobe? What will come out of this? The end of a relationship is a part of our lives that we should go through. And if we feel so bad after breaking up with our loved one, what should we do? My personal observations on the matter show that most commonly people take one of these three outcomes:

Scenario number one:

You embrace depression with all you have. You lie for hours on the bed, drinking alcohol, smoking, listening to music that breaks your heart even more, or if I can put this into other words – you just refuse to live for a couple of months, or sometimes years. (Relax, people, I'm not blaming anyone, I've done it, too, you know!)
Scenario number two:

You start hanging out with different guys and girls. You go to bars and change your sexual partners every other day.

Scenario number three:

You stick to the “Make a replacement” approach, i.e. you start looking for another person right after the breaking up and try to build a serious relationship with this person. And actually this is the option I want to discuss with you now.

  • Emptiness

After the initial shock that usually lasts within a couple of days or weeks, you finally realize that your relationship has come to an end and you have reached the point of no return. And here comes the emptiness – a huge would that bleeds and hurts, that doesn't allow us to sleep, eat, or even breathe. Our survival instincts is screaming “Save yourself!” and after some time we finally realize that we need to fill the emptiness inside. People do this their own way – some become workaholics, some find a hobby, some start going out with friends and some start a new relationship.

  • The replacement approach

It is proved that people who jump from one relationship to another other don't really notice what they are doing. They physically replace one body with another, but emotionally continue the previous relationship. Normal human relationships usually go through a couple of stages but in a situation like this you subconsciously force the events. The effect of the replacement lasts only for a few days, or weeks in the best case scenario and then we realize the bitter truth – the new partner is a separate person and can not take the role of the previous one.

  • Out of spite

“Let him/her see that I am needed somewhere else.” How many of you actually started a new relationship with a motivation like this one? And this can be very strong motivation, especially if your partner ended the relationship. You go to the theater, movie, restaurant with your new partner and secretly home you meet the previous one and make him/her jealous. And if you have to be honest, you don't really care how your new partner really feels about that.

  • Disappointment

The insight usually comes unexpectedly and is extremely painful. What the hell am I doing to myself? Why am I trying to build a long-term relationship with a person who I have nothing in common with? And the answers of these questions are too painful to think about.

Here is the moral of all this: You can do the whole thing in a different way. Do not leave your past create your present. Everything is up to you. You don't have to start a new relationship just because you don't want to be alone. You must break through your grief and start living again. Take your time and don't make hasty decisions. The person for you may or may not be right behind the next corner, but if you are not emotionally prepared for him/her nothing good will come out of this.

About the author: 
Jessica Conars' big love is her family which she really loves. She works at sw8 tenancy cleaning company and thanks to that she has enough time to see her family.

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