"No."
You hate to say it and hear it — but how else can you keep them safe and
well-behaved?
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The word
"no" is heard with great frequency in our everyday lives. As adults
we find ourselves dealing with "no" on a regular basis. Children need
to learn at an early age, that even though life can be a very positive experience,
they will in fact be told "no" and they will have to learn how to
accept it and move on. Parents have to set reasonable, age-appropriate
boundaries for their children and teenagers, as well as providing needed discipline
and consequences for
inappropriate attitudes and behaviors, rather than parenting with empty threats
where kids quickly learn the word “no” means nothing at all. Parents must learn how to say no to children without feeling like “the bad guy” for
saying no and then caving in to demands, but must also balance saying no with saying yes when appropriate to do so, providing
options, choices and explanations that are reasonable and age-appropriate for
the child to understand.
1. Saying "yes" followed by an
explanation instead of saying "no" puts a positive thought process in
children's minds. Eventually, children will start telling themselves "Yes,
I can." instead of "No, I can't." This builds their confidence
in finding their own solutions to problem situations.
2. “No" is the most
overused word parent say
when talking to their children. It is no wonder when toddlers start talking,
"no" is one of their first words directed mostly back at their
parents. Parents who say, "No, because I meant so." commonly have
children who throw temper tantrums or engage in frequent power struggles,
making parenting difficult and frustrating.
3. With toddlers, distracting them from unwanted behavior
is more effective than simply saying "no". If saying "no",
"stop", "don't" or "quit" worked, parents would
not have to repeat them dozens of times per day!
4. The repeated use of
"no" reduces its effectiveness. Saying "no" for important or dangerous times increases the
chance that children will listen. Also, children who repeatedly hear
"no" have poorer language skills than children whose parents offer
more positive responses.
It is hard for many parents to
let go of "no" simply because they want to control the situation.
However, giving children choices actually reduces power struggles and tantrums
because they are a part of the decision.
5. Another alternative to "No" is giving children choices. "You can Play only half an hour now
or want half a day to play tomorrow. It's your choice, what would you like to
do?" A choice teaches children about taking responsibility and broadens
their thinking to alternative options.
This is a time when the child is learning to make choices
and you can help by giving him limited choices that won’t overwhelm him.
Instead of asking the child if they want cereal for breakfast, ask if they want
Fruits or Rice Crispies.
6. Here are a few easy tips on
how to turn "No" into "yes":
* Five minutes before lunch -
"Can I have a chocolate?" Instead of "No, can't you see we are
about to have dinner?" Say, "Yes, after lunch."
* A child wants to watch a movie right
before bedtime - Instead of saying "No, it's almost your bedtime."
Say, "Yes, when you wake up in the morning. I'll put it on the table so we
don't forget."
7. Explain yourself: Consider explaining to your child why his behavior such as banging on the
table over and over again is so bothersome to you. You might tell him,
"You're hurting the table when you bang on it, and that makes me sad.
Please stop." Although it may feel futile to reason with a toddler, you're
actually teaching him something: "You're showing your child that what he
does affects other people around him and you're giving him a crash course in
empathy .It may take a while for your kid to develop concern for others'
feelings, but reminding him of your perspective will help him along
Hope the above tips would help parents to Say No by Saying Yes !!