First Time Break Up and the Act of Forgiveness

I want to dedicate this article to all of them, who have gone through this heartbreaking moment in their life. I know how such incidents can leave you socially paralyzed! The feeling of rejection or being devalued can be the worst emotion anybody would ever experience. It’s not the time to peek into your past and feel guilt-ridden about anything, rather feel proud about your patience and courage. You have already proved your worth by forgiving the person and moving ahead in your life. It takes lot of courage and will power to say good-bye.

 Any normal human being would consider me insane, if I say, 'surviving a breakup could be the best thing happened to you, because it takes you to a new milestone of possibility.’ You may not even read beyond this line. But trust me! Life is giving you another chance to live your dreams. God has the best plan for you. It is your life and nobody else should control it! This is the only way you can know that the emotional pain of heartbreak, the emotional defeat of self you went through, was actually a blessing for you and not a punishment. You got the opportunity to recreate your life.

Breaking up with the person, you wanted to share the beautiful phase in your life, completely destroys your trust, dreams, faith and self-respect. The phase is never that easy to forget everything and start moving. But also there is no power like the ‘Power of Forgiving’ to overcome such painful and unsettling feelings. If you can, you win and you move ahead!   

Not long after the break up, we start sinking emotionally. A journey that’s full of grief, anger and hatred and unforgivable, takes us nowhere, but confines us to some uncharted territory and we don’t find a way out from there.

Forgiveness is a brave act. It does not mean you are weak and accept your defeat. This means, you are strong enough to 'let go'. ‘Let my mistake, my trust for you and my sincere love for you; let everything go away with you, as I am looking forward to start a new life with a new me.’ Tell yourself, “You may go far away from me, but I will always treasure our good days together and will learn from my mistakes, so that I don't repeat it again." By learning to forgive the person (he or she) for such actions, we actually can overcome our grief and soften the anger. Forgiving such actions can be plausible. Leave the person repenting for their whole life, as “silence is louder than action or words.”

As because our brains are wired from the beginning for this special bonding, breakups batter us psychologically. Disappointment ignites anger and loads of guilt, when our mind and heart cries in pain thinking about what happened. We feel like being dumped in the garbage patch of endless questions, and there is no answer to any of it. Throughout life you will try finding answers to several questions like; what happened? Why did it happen? Am I not perfect? Why should I be at the receiving end?

Forgiving such people, who show no remorse can be the worst thing I am asking you all to do, but pause a moment from your grieving life and rethink your purpose of living. Do not waste your valuable life for them, who never seemed to understand you and your feelings. Release your anger and emotions. Forget what happened. Take charge of your Health, Body and LIFE.

I know you are still not convinced and afraid your heart and mind too disagree on this. Are you thinking what everyone thinks? Thinking about returning for the first time after breakup! This is so natural! Who will not try to get back to that beautiful relation, you once lived with. 

Keep Your Relationship Alive 

Many a times we choose to move on in our life, but carry the burden of regrets within us. Regret of not trying once to look back and take another chance to turn it all around. Whether your split was mutual or agreeable or you were heartlessly dumped, the emotions you go through will remain the same- guilt, fear, loneliness and anger. But if you never got a chance to understand your love relationship, this is the only time. Do not hesitate to try once. If it doesn’t work out again, accept the fact and don’t be stubborn on it. But what if it does!!!

Hope is the next big thing. Connection or union may be possible, but understand that you both need to participate. Learn and embrace each other’s weaknesses, if you want this relation back in your lives. You both need to understand your roles and importance in each other’s life before you think about returning.

There is no happiness like bridging the gap in your relationship and starting all over again. It is never too late to hold back each other’s hands, walk silently remembering the past mistakes and smiling at each other without any regrets.

In order to fully accept a breakup, you need to understand yourself, your partner and the contribution to the end of this relationship. Do not start blaming. Be honest in understanding the reasons (if you can guess). You know yourself better than anybody.  Try to erase the post- breakup pains with these few suggestions.

Few Important Things don’t try to do as soon as you Breakup:

# Control your intense rage of love and hatred immediately after breaking up. Few days and may be one whole month after the end of your relationship, you will be constantly fighting with your emotions outrageously. Try to control yourself and do not take any extreme steps.

# Take time to grieve. Healing takes time. “Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart do not know how to laugh either.”

-          Golda Meir

# Do not go through this alone. Include your family member or friend (you trust and close to) to share your different feelings and sinking hope.

# Do not share your story with everyone. Not everyone will support and understand you.

# Indulge yourself in reading motivational books and spiritual activities. This helps in getting peace and gaining back your lost self-esteem.

# Take some break from work and any social gatherings. As it is very difficult to be an active player like before. Your whole world has toppled down. This will take some time to get back your positive perspective about life.

# Do not get into a rebound relationship expecting your new partner to make up for the shortcomings and mistakes of the old partner. You will always regret being treated with ‘favor’, which needed support emotionally. Take time to learn about yourself and your likes and dislikes. What you have always wanted in your life. Remember, with the end of a relationship comes enormous wisdom and the opportunity for healing. Utilize this time to know more about your strengths and weaknesses.

# Stay with positive friends and people around you.

# Pay attention to what you need and what life has got for you.

# At some point in time, you may feel like trying to return to your love for once, but remember not to jump into it immediately. The need for each other (permanently in life) may take some time.

# Remind yourself that this is your life and you still have a future.

Regardless of how the breakup made you feel, do not allow the consequences to sink your hope and destroy your spirits to continue living. Stay happy and take real close care of yourself. Above all stay happy. Life is a ‘beautiful gift’ from God.

About The Author:

I am Epsita Mahapatra, a mother to a beautiful 3 year old daughter and a full-time blogger at present. I am decent at photography. But writing is my passion. This is the reason why I blog, to inspire lives positively by sharing my experiences and learning. I am an aspiring self-help and inspirational writer who believes strongly in positive thinking. I believe in finding possibilities in your negative attitude. My motto on LIFE- LIVE and CELEBRATE.