Do you remember that movie “Anger
Management” or even better, Hollywood’s super-hit the Avengers? In both
situations, you saw the characters behaving and even stating that they are
always angry and that everything pisses them off.
In the real world, being angry is not as funny as in the movies and, except for Hulk’s case maybe, this doesn't lead to incredible acts of supreme heroism. On the contrary, an angry person’s life is a living hell and unfortunately, it can turn into one even for the ones around.
Anger is a natural feeling and it
occurs in the life of everyone once in a while. Frustration, stress,
exhaustion, irrational thinking (according to the school of Cognitive –
Behavioral Therapy), innate personality traits, emotional immaturity (according
to the developmental psychologists), these are all trigger and maintaining factors
for our daily anger.
The best case scenario when this
happens is to acknowledge consciously what stands behind the anger, what
cluster of reasons gathered up and led to an angry behavior, what immediate and
at-hand solutions can you find on the spot before you yell at somebody, hit
somebody or register so high blood pressure and heart rate levels you might end
up in a hospital. Easier to be said than done. In that particular moment when
you feel the entire world conspired for you to get miserable or broken and
everything you wish for is a shotgun, taking a moment to analyze exactly what
is that is bothering you so much, it’s quite hard to accomplish. Again, real
life it’s not like the movies.
However, there are a few things you
can actually do in an instant. When you feel the need for bloodshed or to smash
all the plates in the house, remember that sticks and stones indeed do break
bones, but words hurt people more than anyone can imagine. So before ruining a
relationship, saying something that will never be taken back, insult someone,
hurt another person or just lose the respect of others, here are some quick
tips to do.
1 Freeze time
It’s about those seconds between our
blood pressure skyrocketing, your better judgment taking a break and some bad
words coming out of your mouth. If you can clearly distinguish those seconds,
freeze them and do something else to calm down. Specialists from Mayo Clinic
insist that counting to ten is not just for kids, but also for adults with
anger management issues. Other specialists insist on taking advantage of those
seconds and do something you enjoy. Vaping is a good solution and if you happen
to have your blu cig at hand, vape a few
before screaming your lungs out. It will help you chill and focus on something
you enjoy. Singing your favorite song or filling your mouth with a piece of
chocolate might also work. The main idea is to push your brain in focusing on
something that is immediately pleasant for you. Thus, a small dose of
endorphin's together with the time you kept your hands or mouth busy might help
you relax and find other means to resolve a conflict than throwing objects or
cursing.
2
Make a joke
If you’re the type that gets angry
quickly and you have a habit of saying the wrong words in the most
inappropriate of moments, say something funny instead of something horrible. Or
before slamming the door and leaving a fight (that rarely helps, provided it’s
safer for the other ones that you leave the scene of a brawl), try to ease the
atmosphere with something funny. It should mean you should practice this a lot,
but in any case, the same specialists from Mayo encourage angry people to also
develop a sense of humor. Defusing the bomb is way better than starting a war.
Make sure you know the difference between humor and sarcasm, the latter is
sometimes similar to punching one’s face.
3
Breathe
Really. Breathe. A history with anger
management means you already know there are some relaxation techniques to use
on the spot, so use them. If none appealed to you, start breathing slowly and
deeply. No need to hyperventilate, as it will turn things worse, but if you
have some self-motivating speech to go with the breathing, use that too. “Don’t
kill anybody” might work, but if you went to at least one self-development or
anger management session, you know there are other speeches that proved to do
the trick in the critical moments.
These tips are not for the long run,
just so you know. If anger is a problem for you and your peers or family
members, seeking help is not below your dignity and nobody will think you are
crazy. Take it as a tooth ache: if a tooth causes you trouble, you go to treat
or remove it. Same applies to anger, as it is one heavy issue to deal with and
can cause irreversible damage.