Dealing with foul language: the Do’s and Dont’s

1. No Repetitions

Anger is one evil that breeds many, it consumes the brain and the heart leaving us numb to our own words. We tend to say a lot of stuff that, in a conscious mind, we may never imagine ourselves uttering  to any other human being. Your teen is just as human to errors as we all are, though this does not mean that they should be allowed to vent their feelings without applying a filter to their words.

But if in that enraged state they step a line or call you names, it is best to leave the room quietly and give them time to contemplate on their mistake.  On spot engagement can prove fatal as it will ignite a series of abuses from both ends and leave stains on your relationship as a family.

Moreover, do not try to demean your child by constantly refreshing the incident or the said words as no good can come out of ridiculing an over sensitive teen.

2. Avoid extreme measures

With the rage flowing through your entire body, your heart palpitating at a faster pace and your vision blurred by watery fumes you see the entire matter slipping through your fingers. Your child is standing before you, brimming with vitality and  rebuking your hold so to a frustrated parent the only way to exercise command is going extreme. It starts with “ You're grounded” and a series of “ you’re not allowed this” and “you’re not allowed that” follows ending with the teen feeling as if he has been slammed back to the stone age.

It is okay to set measures and to draw lines so that the child knows that if he continues with the same attitude he will face more restrictions but exercise your control to a limit. You cannot expect them to lay still while you choke them out of their rights. 

Firstly make sure that you control your outburst and refrain from enforcing your supremacy on your kid. Try ignoring their tantrums and move elsewhere till you can figure out how to handle the situation. Remember you don't need to charge on your teen to prove you’re the man of the house.

Secondly, come up with realistic measures instead of just throwing irrational commands. Restrict time with amenities like mobile, television and the internet. You can't expect to put your child in a shell for the rest of their days. Set perimeters for visits and hangouts with friends. Also keep a check on what circle he moves in and if his friends worry you, try adding better people into his life through a proper plan rather than ripping his life to shreds.

Lead by example :  Consequences that really work

1. Stand your ground

One of my teachers once told me that the best example you can set for a student is to stand by what you said.  Meaning that if you said “ no “ to a wrong demand no matter what tantrum they throw or how long they continue to irritate you, do not deter from your stance. Do not engage in a dialogue while the student stubbornly keeps up his rant. This will put you in a stronger position and once the student gives up he will be ready to negotiate his ideas.

Parents should also stand their point once they have stated it to the child. Constant deterrence proves that you fall short of your words and can be emotionally  manipulated, something your child will remember and use to his liking.

2. Mirror me not

Children are nonetheless … a reflection of their parents. Now this does not mean that the parents are to blame for everything their teen does however, there is no denying that the majority influence a child has is from his home. A healthy environment between the parents and productive competition between siblings can help a child grow better. It also helps to repel any negative external influence as the child’s exemplary training will guide him to differentiate between good and bad.

Make sure that you keep a nice behaviour at home, refrain from shouting at your children, laugh at the little things and encourage them to speak freely on personal matters.

Little effort can go a long way and throwing the blame around gets us nowhere. It is best to stay a step ahead and avoid future teen crisis.

Teenage to adolescence can be a tricky transition, share you transition stories in the comment box below...

About Author: Jenny Corteza

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